last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize