I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
