so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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