i barfeds in our rink
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's get the cat blown out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
