Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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