Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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