Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
