I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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