I'm so fucking centered right now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
