his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
