I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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