His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize