So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He? As in you personified your dick?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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