; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
