Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
