I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
