she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
MIDGETS
????
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
