Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Two words: blizzard sex
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
