I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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