You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
