a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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