dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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