The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
