I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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