I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
