break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
