Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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