Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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