trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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