Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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