tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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