literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
