Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
