The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
