The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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