so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
