I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize