my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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