and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
