Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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