in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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