When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
