I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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