my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
