Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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