Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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