I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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