My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
