Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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