im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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