great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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