he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
