well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
