I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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