i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
