take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
