Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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