I want to walk on stilts...naked
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
