I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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