she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i think i just lost a toe
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
