I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh god it's open bar.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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