According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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