Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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