Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What a dumb baby whore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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