so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
