oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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